Nobody knows how many words the English language contains. Estimates range from 800,000 to over a million. Seems that with such gobs of words, every little niggling nuance and every little twisted bitchy emotional stain must be ripe for articulation. But no.
As big as the English cloak may be, we are left bare, chilly, and mute when attempting to clarify all the knots of torment, zaniness, euphoria, and outrage which fester beyond the boundaries of our incomprehensibly huge lexicon.
Therefore, Marcus + Myer Publishing is thrilled to provide desperately needed words — wily, wonderful words to grease the urge-to-spit-it-out among the repressed, distressed, perplexed, and verbally constipated English speakers around the world.
A through C
Arachnicide: Eaten alive by a saber-toothed spider.
Beerliever: Faith in fomented grains.
Booring: Adults being adults.
Brobility: Guys actually showing up at the right place on time.
Bubblomania: Obsessive boiling.
Bullionaire: Getting rich off the Broth IRAs.
Cantdidate: Running for office because you want to spend less time with your family.
Coiffloon: A failed metrosexual.
Conthused: When you think euthanasia means youth in Asia.
D through L
Dumbolution: The kind of change where everything gets worse.
Famlifilia: When you’re a little sorry that their soap opera is worse than yours.
Feudrous: Trying to argue price with the idiotic self-checkout beast at Kroger.
Geogrami: The art of re-folding maps.
Hmmm: Undecided about the actual indecision guidelines.
Hubobuh: Disgust that “palindrome” isn’t one.
Juris Couture : A law suit.
M through O
Maliquence: When one thing is about as bad as another.
Measurmasm: Conflation of length, volume, weight and time; ie – when a one pound rock sinks one foot in one gallon for one minute.
Nariciseality: Publicly sobbing into the soft, absorbent blankie of celebrity.
Nomaligned: When your surname is your job, like Plumber or Carpenter or Jarlsberg or Grifter or Illuminati.
Nothism: The nice belief, in an air-heady kind of way, that everything is full of emptiness.
P through Z
Pillgrimm: Trekking across the dark side of pharmacology.
Putinanny: Comrades singing “how we love comrade homicidal billionaire dictator.”
Roarshock: Free-association induced by high volume screaming.
Scrune: Songs that do not deserve to be sung in key, any key.
Snorf : A happy thought that’s slightly funny.
Tofugilistic: When you have a beef with vegans.
Wrackonteur: When you forget what happens next.
I only have about 60 pages more.
Submit your own malapropisms for inclusion in our ever-burgeoning lexicon. The winner gets a ton of ice cream, with free shipping plus postage and handling!
